Beginning of The End

By -
This place feels good, there is peace, there is tranquility. Am fired up, I have been here before, but I have never been this fired up, I wish I had this much motivation in my previous years.

I am headed to a place where my rapists will no longer invade my nights, humans will no longer torture my emotions, there shall be no religion to judge me anymore. My shortcomings shall not be recited to me. Oh how sweet it shall be.

I want the exit to be enjoyable, for me, I want to enjoy the pain of life one more time, I want to feel that for once I have brought freedom to myself and the pain will not torture me, it will free me.

I no longer feel hopeless, or irrelevant  or weak or alone, or unloved, or ugly... Oh my, I feel so in-charge, I feel like a hero for chartering my own peace.

No more lies from humans, no more of that bad stuff.

I remember I have a daughter, am sorry to her, and some people who call themselves family - ooohh pliz! Maybe they will never forgive me, but does it matter? I have never gotten it in this life so it will not matter in the afterlife. Oh and I hope somebody will tell my mother not to cry, I know she will not miss my problems.

Job, I know you are there, I can see your smile, waiting for me, am coming home cousin and we shall enjoy the peace together. Am so eager, see you on the other side dear.

And to Zack, my Angel. I will miss you.

Best decision ever!

Bye Readers.


Comments

  1. Unknown24 July 2018 at 00:14

    Please do not do it. Your child needs you and there is hope! You can turn your life around. Live!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Unknown24 July 2018 at 01:50

    Don't do this please, God has good plans for you

    ReplyDelete
  3. Jacquey24 July 2018 at 05:32

    Young lady....this life is lonely but that you have a mum and a daughter who love you....tread around them...they are the only solace any one person can have. Wait for them...be patient

    ReplyDelete
  4. drunkenly.science25 July 2018 at 10:37

    The stars are so big to earth... But almost the tiniest in a universe... A universe we aren't quite sure isn't the smallest in a collection of universes. Look at the stars, let them remind you how small your problems are.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Unknown25 July 2018 at 22:55

    Jesus Loves you gal.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Unknown31 October 2018 at 06:24

    Glad to read the post after this. Sending hugs to you!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Feels Like a Hot Ice cube

By -
This is my first blog after the suicide note.... I have been thinking about it for a long time, it scares, am no longer whom I used to be. I was a closed book on the shelf, now I am an open book on the street, and many have read me. Being all over the media with ny story is chilling, and it not a good feeling. Most think that it is the road to healing, but no, it is not. The road to healing is quiet and private, inside my psychologist's room and inside my head. This other public road is a sacrifice, a sacrifice I have made for the young girls and boys growing up who should never experience rape. A sacrifice for my cousin who hanged himself before having had the chance to share the pain he felt, and so I sacrifice so that no one has to die the suicidal way. A sacrifice for those who are close to people with suicidal ideations, so that they do not throw them out to the dogs for misinformation. A sacrifice for the Mental Health community, that has been shut off due the invisibi
Read more

Sweet Pain, Dead Peace

By -
My Cousin Job Passed on. Let me rephrase that; My Cousin Job took his life.. - wait, he couldn't have taken his life, he always had it. Let me rephrase that too; MY COUSIN COMMITTED SUICIDE. By Hanging. The Pain... It is exactly 12 days today 12 June 2018 since my cousin hanged himself. It is exactly 12 days since he did what I couldn't do - Get through with it. See I have attempted suicide before, not once, not twice and it's not a pretty thing to live with. Even rape is prettier. Rewind. I write this because of pain. And am from a sitting with some two friends of mine and I told them that my cousin committed suicide and they said "you know someone who has attempted suicide before gets through with it at some point" - I swallowed hard, felt a sharp pain in my chest... Who is this cousin I speak of? Job was the last born of my maternal aunt, and at age 22 it got to him. I am in pain, pain from different sides. I am in pain of loss, for having l
Read more

THE PAINFUL PLEASURE- Confessions of a Mother

By -
Image
It was Friday April 20 2012 I checked myself into hospital, my baby 9 days late already. I was alright, no pains, waters not broken and I felt perfectly normal. Was admitted to the labour ward and they started the routine obstetric check-ups and examined that my breasts were okay. Saturday morning at 10 am the doctors said they would have to  induce me to deliver if I wouldn't have started the contractions by 11. So at 11 they explained that the would break a small tablet into 4 parts, each part to be inserted into the vagina after every 6 hours. The tablet works by softening the cervix causing dilation n with it starts uterine contractions. After the first quarter was inserted I started labour at around 1300hrs and  at 1635hrs 2.7kg baby Precious, the cutest light skinned baby with beautifuly contrasting dark hair was born after pushing thrice. The doctors did their thing and took me to my bed, funny thing after the placenta is out the pain disappears like it was never there and
Read more