Feels Like a Hot Ice cube
This is my first blog after the suicide note....
I have been thinking about it for a long time, it scares, am no longer whom I used to be. I was a closed book on the shelf, now I am an open book on the street, and many have read me.
Being all over the media with ny story is chilling, and it not a good feeling. Most think that it is the road to healing, but no, it is not. The road to healing is quiet and private, inside my psychologist's room and inside my head.
This other public road is a sacrifice, a sacrifice I have made for the young girls and boys growing up who should never experience rape. A sacrifice for my cousin who hanged himself before having had the chance to share the pain he felt, and so I sacrifice so that no one has to die the suicidal way. A sacrifice for those who are close to people with suicidal ideations, so that they do not throw them out to the dogs for misinformation. A sacrifice for the Mental Health community, that has been shut off due the invisibility of our illnesses.
This public road is not one that I would looked forward to walking because it is a painful road, and each step feels heavier than the last... Bad and good things are said to me, and while am told by my psychologist to ignore, they still get back to me. But I have to say this, were it not for Janet - my psychologist, I would have fallen off this road a long time ago and many would not have found help...
There is something about me, something which makes me just want to go one extra mile with a kind gesture for people I do not know. This burden is not easy to carry, it means that I get pained when I do not give in, and still experience a different kind of pain when I give in...
Each day I stare away as I think of my cousin, and that pain he had to the point of him jumping off the bed and the noose tightening on his neck blocking blood and air flow. Having been on the suicide edge several times before, I know just how heavy his head was. For this reason, I will stay motivated to do something for a pained mind....
This is really a hot ice cube....
To know more about my work contact me on;
-Email- minds@beautifulmindsnetwork.org
I have been thinking about it for a long time, it scares, am no longer whom I used to be. I was a closed book on the shelf, now I am an open book on the street, and many have read me.
Being all over the media with ny story is chilling, and it not a good feeling. Most think that it is the road to healing, but no, it is not. The road to healing is quiet and private, inside my psychologist's room and inside my head.
This other public road is a sacrifice, a sacrifice I have made for the young girls and boys growing up who should never experience rape. A sacrifice for my cousin who hanged himself before having had the chance to share the pain he felt, and so I sacrifice so that no one has to die the suicidal way. A sacrifice for those who are close to people with suicidal ideations, so that they do not throw them out to the dogs for misinformation. A sacrifice for the Mental Health community, that has been shut off due the invisibility of our illnesses.
This public road is not one that I would looked forward to walking because it is a painful road, and each step feels heavier than the last... Bad and good things are said to me, and while am told by my psychologist to ignore, they still get back to me. But I have to say this, were it not for Janet - my psychologist, I would have fallen off this road a long time ago and many would not have found help...
There is something about me, something which makes me just want to go one extra mile with a kind gesture for people I do not know. This burden is not easy to carry, it means that I get pained when I do not give in, and still experience a different kind of pain when I give in...
Each day I stare away as I think of my cousin, and that pain he had to the point of him jumping off the bed and the noose tightening on his neck blocking blood and air flow. Having been on the suicide edge several times before, I know just how heavy his head was. For this reason, I will stay motivated to do something for a pained mind....
This is really a hot ice cube....
To know more about my work contact me on;
-Email- minds@beautifulmindsnetwork.org
Beautiful.... I love your spirit.....u r a source of strength to many.
ReplyDeleteI am happy to be, the sacrifice stays...
DeleteI will not pretend to know what you go through. I am proud of the road you have chosen. I believe it is a road to healing and staying strong. It has its own down days but keep focus on the impact you are making ALWAYS. That is how i have fought off depression all these years and steered clear of suicidal thoughts. I make helping other people my focus and make a point of enjoying myself whiles doing that.
ReplyDelete90% of people who know me have no idea of my internal battles but that is fine with me. By sharing your experience and struggles, you are saving more people than you know.
Keep up the positive road. Ignore all the negative comments. Fight to stay up on those down days. You are a blessing to your generation. As say in Ghana, #MoreVim
This is very insightful, you have fought well.
DeleteI will keep going, keep doing to the end.
I will make my daughter proud.
Every day you are among us is a blessing to us. Like I keep saying, you are an inspiration to many of us. Hope someday you embrace the pain as you heal.
ReplyDeleteI do not know, but I know God has given me Grace and I shall rise with everyone else...
DeleteYes! The first of many more. I'm so proud of you and your courage to take your destiny in your hands and fulfill the divine purpose for which God put you here. Remember this always, that we are not the result of what happened to us, however we fulfill our purposes with the tools and experiences we acquired through our past experiences. For you to write this blogpost, the upcoming book and all the inspirational seminars and workshops that you've been giving, you had to have gone throughw what you went through. I'm more than happy to be a friend and a supporter of your work.
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ReplyDeleteThis is very inspiring and encouraging. Am sure many will find this as a source of strength to move on despite some challenges. Keep up the good work. The road may be rough but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Pamoja
ReplyDeleteThank you very much for the support...
DeleteKeep going strong. I am inspired- sacrifice. Not for gratitude or recognition. Bravo!
ReplyDeleteThanks loads
DeleteStay positive and keep the faith. You are destined for greatness
ReplyDeleteAmiin
DeleteWell done Valentine. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteThank you, I sure will...
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