The Round Rectangle..........

"Valentine you are a very strong Lady." More often than not I have heard this phrase from family, friends and acquaintances. Do I agree? Yes and No. Mostly No. Those that know me very well, know that there has been some really tough times in my life, those which are even near death situations. Some are outright embarrassing, and some have pushed me into depression at some point in my life. So, have all these experiences made me stronger? I do not think so. Of-course they have made me wiser but definitely not stronger. Strong is the word used on us who have undergone circumstantial change. These experiences have not made me stronger, they have changed me, a great deal. Maybe for the better, maybe not, depends on how you look at it. I always thought I was the only one who felt that way, until a high school friend posted "There's no 'stronger' What doesn't kill you ****s you up mentally and makes you unbearable to the rest of humanity

Will you cry at my funeral? Will you eulogise me with kind words? Will you send my family some money for their troubles? Will you put my image as your profile photo on Social media? Will you gather up with other mutual friends to share those nice memories about me? Will you view my lifeless body at the morgue? Will you buy the freshest of roses that I will never see? Will you have moments of silence to just think about me? Will you feel pity at my daughter for being left motherless? Will you curse that I died with your debt? Will you wish you were a better friend while I was alive? Will you wish you had picked my call when I last called you before my demise? How long will it take you to forget me after I am gone? These are questions that I found myself asking an imaginary friend in my head. I sat and thought about the people I interact with, the people I laugh with, the people I often call and I wondered what kind of friends, acquintances and loved ones that I have. I

Carrying a pregnancy is taking a gamble on one's life. I am a mother, I have a carried a pregnancy for nine months and two weeks. It was a swift journey till delivery when I rubbed shoulders with death (refer to previous posts on this experience). Am not writing to scare anyone, no, after all mothering has been going on for thousands of years. All am saying is, in gambling, the house always wins, but in rare occasions, it loses. These things happen. Such is life. When you take a gamble, you cannot transfer the gamble midway, you have to either carry it on to the end or abort it midway. The journey that is gambling and/or pregnancy happens to be a personal one to an extent, and only those close enough understand the feel. I am in the midst of a gamble as I type this and it is not an easy one as such. It is a risk I am proud to have taken and willing to see it through. I have noted though, that I have matured, I have developed thick skin, and it is not easy to disappoint me. How

The body never gets used to pain - so I have learnt (the hard way). With each prick, each needle, each line tissue comes a new pain as though the body has never felt it. The face learns to fake bravery but the brain will almost always betray it. In the last one year ave had my brush with hospitals, and quite some pain. It being the second time am having my health tested in 4 years, am yet to get used to it. I still cry while alone on my hospital bed, I still get scared of falling asleep lest I sleep forever, I still worry over the pain I put my family through and even then I cannot wish a single of it on my worst enemy.  My bestie tells me am stronger each time I overcome a trying situation, and I want to believe it, I really do, I just cannot beat my chest over it. I have my low moments and today is one of them, I shed a tear when the nurse put the third niddle through my skin, as she held the other two bleeding areas. The site of my own blood got to me and it suddenly occured to me