THE PAINFUL PLEASURE- Confessions of a Mother

It was Friday April 20 2012 I checked myself into hospital, my baby 9 days late already. I was alright, no pains, waters not broken and I felt perfectly normal. Was admitted to the labour ward and they started the routine obstetric check-ups and examined that my breasts were okay. Saturday morning at 10 am the doctors said they would have to  induce me to deliver if I wouldn't have started the contractions by 11. So at 11 they explained that the would break a small tablet into 4 parts, each part to be inserted into the vagina after every 6 hours. The tablet works by softening the cervix causing dilation n with it starts uterine contractions. After the first quarter was inserted I started labour at around 1300hrs and  at 1635hrs 2.7kg baby Precious, the cutest light skinned baby with beautifuly contrasting dark hair was born after pushing thrice. The doctors did their thing and took me to my bed, funny thing after the placenta is out the pain disappears like it was never there and joy sets in. My neighbor gave me tea and told me fluids would serve me a few hours before I could manage to eat again. After a couple of minutes they brought my newest  bundle of joy to me, I held her but I couldn't see her, my eyes were blurring, told my neighbor to hold her for me and she called the nurse. When the nurse came I could barely make out what they were saying but I was wet all over, little did I know I was bleeding profusely. They rushed me back to the delivery room and I could hear the doctor patting me on the cheek telling me to stay with her, my head was heavy my eyes teary and I couldn't speak and I remember the last thing I heard was 'Valentine can you hear me?' I woke up lying down on a bed, couldn't move my body or mouth but I could hear women wailing and see some pacing around, I knew I was in the labour ward, both my hands were being infused with  I.V. fluids and it felt weird for my body was cold. A nurse came to me and told me I got what is called (Post Partum Haermorhage-PPH), excessive bleeding after delivery. A lab guy came to collect a sample of my blood and they had to look for veins from all odd parts of the body even the ankles since due to the blood loss it was difficult to locate the veins coz they had collapsed. I got a few pints of blood transfusion and was cleared to breastfeed.
Seeing as am a modern mother I had read extensively about latching and all the do's and donts and so when I alerted the nurse of a pain when I first breastfed Precious, she ensured I was holding the baby the correct way and also expressed the milk to prevent engorgement. When I went home my right nipple cracked n peeled off and those that have experienced the same can agree its very irritating. Then my left breast started aching from inside and I told my mom that I was in pain and the first reaction was to dismiss it as maybe another crack. God bless my mom for she ensured I latched correctly n helped with a few traditional breast care methods and she also made it clear I was to breastfeed her grandchild n not make excuses for it. I started feeling extremes of hot and cold flushes and we thought it was due to the transfusions though I was sure something was wrong. Pain became worse and my left nipple became inverted so on my 2week checkup I decided to visit an OBS n have it checked. He aspirated on the upper side of the breast and removed a mixture of milk and blood and told me that means the breast wasn't infected, little did we know the pus was on the lower side. He prescribed antibiotics and told me to express the milk instead of breastfeeding directly so we could observe the milk. That was on a Tuesday, on Wednesday I bought a breast pump and did as told. On Thursday night when I woke up to express I was suprised to wake up soaked in a yellow thick fluid, my breast had burst and there were two holes just above the nipple. I called mom and I have never seen her so shocked. Friday Morning we left for the hospital, I was in alot of pain, I could not carry my own baby as my left hand was dead. Once the doctor saw the situation I was admitted immediately and they started I.V. antibiotics and expressing the pus. The baby remained with me in hospital for observation and also feeding as she was now feeding on one breast.
Treatment was started on Friday evening, antibiotics and very strong painkillers since I was in a lot of pain. (To this day having gone through painful situations like Toothaches, Lumbar Puncture, Labor and others, I have not experienced pain worse than that of a breast abscess). Monday morning my breast had not improved, if anything the pus and pain had increased. The doctors consulted amongst themselves and decided I was to undergo an incision n drainage operation to drain the pus manually. It was scary, I never understood how it had gotten so bad soo fast, even then, baby Precious did her best at smiling at mommy and making my sad days better. On the operating table the theatre people told me I could go under and never rise so that would be a better time to give my life to Christ. I did not give my life to Christ but we prayed with them. 4 hours later I woke up in the recovery room and with an oxygen mask, IVs and a catheter, I felt even weaker. The doctor had made an incision on the lower side of the nipple on the areola which looked to be about 3 inches. I cannot explain the pain that engulfed me when the pain meds weared off. The breast was okay for another 2 days but it later went back to draining  pus. This was becoming too much and the normal situation for an abscess after drainage is that it goes down with few doses of antibiotics. Again after another 4 days I went on the operating table again, this time they cut on the upper side of the nipple and inserted a drain going through the upper incision then under the nipple and out through the lower incision (A plastic tubing inserted to drain fluid collection in a body cavity) after a few days I was discharged and my Mother was trained how to dress the wounds while at home and we left with gauzes, normal salines, pain medications and antibiotics.
I was discharged on a Friday and Saturday and Sunday were spent well but come Sunday morning I woke up feeling weak and fatigued. Shortly after waking up I fainted and the next thing I remember is waking up in the ER with half of my body numb and a bad migraine. Tests were done, X-Rays taken, Lumbar Puncture(menengitis test) and finally a breast scan on both Breasts that revealed an infection of both of my breasts. The Doctor told me the most horrifying news of the whole experience, THAT I WOULD HAVE TO STOP BREASTFEEDING... I broke down, in pain, disturbed and asking myself where it all went wrong. The nurses introduced Precious to infant formula and thank God she took the bottle like she had done it since birth. She was always the happy baby who when not sleeping was taking milk or smiling at everyone. The Doctors adviced me to remain with her and the nurses took turns to bath and hold her as she had to stay under observation too. By the time I went to the theatre the 3rd time it was even tougher that the nurses now knew me n told me 'Valentine, wewe ni mwenyeji-u know your way around change and go to Theatre 7), and I kept telling God I was not going to give up. I kept my smile whenever I was not in pain, I was the social one that looked in the wrong place. I made friends with all the staff and told them not to refer to me as 'patient' or 'bed 32' but to call me Valentine or Mama Precious.
So the left breast was re- cut and a new incision made on the right breast. This time the Doctor said he wouldn't discharge me until complete recovery. I started on medication to stop lactation and the doctors thought this would speed up the healing process together with the smoothies my mother brought me on a daily basis. The Pus was reducing but the pain while dressing was not, I had to get one or two shots of pethidine when dressing and a few other painkillers I took 3 times a day. At times the pain was worse and the Doctor would give me a shot of Morphine to cool me down. Then there was the constipation which was causes by the pain meds. So after about 2 weeks another scan was done and it showed that there was still pus in the breast and the Doctors said I would undergo a short drainage procedure, this did not happen since 9 hours later my relatives were still waiting for me. I woke up in a lot of pain and my mother tells me she heard me from outside the hospital wailing. After a shot of Morphine I woke up the following day fatigued and stressed but thanx to good administration system in the hospital I had a counsellor come help me through it.
After another 1 week and 2 days the left breast still had pus and so I went under the surgeons knife again for drainage, the breast had become weak after the 5 cuttings. After that the Breasts were dressed for about 8 days after which I was discharged abscess free to go clean the wounds until they healed. The breasts being soft tissues were not sutured and I was adviced to let them heal by themselves.
It had been weeks of tape and gauzes, weeks of IVs and tablets, weeks of seeing patients come and go while others died, weeks of revelation of people I called friends that abandoned me, weeks of constipation, weeks of no full body shower, weeks of bad hair, weeks of stress and pain but above all weeks that made me a stronger me, a stronger mother, full of hope even in hard times.
I salute my mother for all the daily trips to the hospital, I can never thank her enough. I salute the Doctors, nurses and the whole Kijabe Family for taking care of me and making life easier while there. I thank my friends and relatives that encouraged me in the hard times.
I thank my Lord Jesus Christ for bringing me and my Precious out strong and healthy.
I hope you reading this can get strengthened and know that there is a God who hardens us and will never take you where His Grace cannot reach you.
Being a Mother is a Blessing.