The Unbreakable Cotton

"Valentine you are a very strong Lady."

More often than not I have heard this phrase from family, friends and acquaintances.

Do I agree? Yes and No. Mostly No.

Those that know me very well, know that there has been some really tough times in my life, those which are even near death situations. Some are outright embarrassing, and some have pushed me into depression at some point in my life.

So, have all these experiences made me stronger? I do not think so. Of-course they have made me wiser but definitely not stronger.

Strong is the word used on us who have undergone circumstantial change.

These experiences have not made me stronger, they have changed me, a great deal. Maybe for the better, maybe not, depends on how you look at it.

I always thought I was the only one who felt that way, until a high school friend posted "There's no 'stronger' What doesn't kill you ****s you up mentally and makes you unbearable to the rest of humanity" on her wall and it woke up that side of my brain.

Some of these experiences would have been avoided in one way or another. Some are just plain unfortunate and in a way feel unfair (but is life ever fair?). So I have learnt to accept the circumstances and move on to other things. That moving on is what most people consider strong. That moving on means I am no longer the person I was before the circumstance. What happens is, during that moving on, I mostly have to put on my public cap while my private messed cap stays intact for those solo moments.

Some people when faced with these very tough situations mostly sink into comfort zones, accept their fate and live down where life has dropped them, these have no label. Others try to fight it by getting into addictions and low life behaviors that mask their situations in their heads, these we call normal. Then there is the lot that strives to go above the situations by moving on and away from their circumstances, these we call Strong.

It is the strong that have huge inner battles, some may become hard to be around, because they want to shield themselves from more damaging experience. The strong break down more often than you think, the strong put up faces through an embarrassing situation only to burst out when they are sure they only have themselves to deal with. The strong know that they are role models to some other people, benchmarks, and their reaction to situations have an impact on other people’s lives.

What could I have done about it? – This I do not dwell on.

What can I do about the future? - A lot including seeing to it that my children and siblings have an easier experience.

So, it is alright to call me strong, but I just thought I should let you know that it is not as easy as it looks.