My Cousin Job Passed on. Let me rephrase that; My Cousin Job took his life.. - wait, he couldn't have taken his life, he always had it. Let me rephrase that too; MY COUSIN COMMITTED SUICIDE. By Hanging. The Pain... It is exactly 12 days today 12 June 2018 since my cousin hanged himself. It is exactly 12 days since he did what I couldn't do - Get through with it. See I have attempted suicide before, not once, not twice and it's not a pretty thing to live with. Even rape is prettier. Rewind. I write this because of pain. And am from a sitting with some two friends of mine and I told them that my cousin committed suicide and they said "you know someone who has attempted suicide before gets through with it at some point" - I swallowed hard, felt a sharp pain in my chest... Who is this cousin I speak of? Job was the last born of my maternal aunt, and at age 22 it got to him. I am in pain, pain from different sides. I am in pain of loss, for having l...
This is my first blog after the suicide note.... I have been thinking about it for a long time, it scares, am no longer whom I used to be. I was a closed book on the shelf, now I am an open book on the street, and many have read me. Being all over the media with ny story is chilling, and it not a good feeling. Most think that it is the road to healing, but no, it is not. The road to healing is quiet and private, inside my psychologist's room and inside my head. This other public road is a sacrifice, a sacrifice I have made for the young girls and boys growing up who should never experience rape. A sacrifice for my cousin who hanged himself before having had the chance to share the pain he felt, and so I sacrifice so that no one has to die the suicidal way. A sacrifice for those who are close to people with suicidal ideations, so that they do not throw them out to the dogs for misinformation. A sacrifice for the Mental Health community, that has been shut off due the invisibi...
This place feels good, there is peace, there is tranquility. Am fired up, I have been here before, but I have never been this fired up, I wish I had this much motivation in my previous years. I am headed to a place where my rapists will no longer invade my nights, humans will no longer torture my emotions, there shall be no religion to judge me anymore. My shortcomings shall not be recited to me. Oh how sweet it shall be. I want the exit to be enjoyable, for me, I want to enjoy the pain of life one more time, I want to feel that for once I have brought freedom to myself and the pain will not torture me, it will free me. I no longer feel hopeless, or irrelevant or weak or alone, or unloved, or ugly... Oh my, I feel so in-charge, I feel like a hero for chartering my own peace. No more lies from humans, no more of that bad stuff. I remember I have a daughter, am sorry to her, and some people who call themselves family - ooohh pliz! Maybe they will never forgive me, but doe...
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