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TELLING MY UNTOLD

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As a young girl, the news of my pregnancy hit me hard like Hurricane Katrina. I was disappointed in myself, I could not come to terms with the thought of a bulging tummy, the thought of a crying baby- I loved my sleep too much to think of interruptions. I crept into denial, refused to accept that I was going to be a mother leave alone accepting my readiness for motherhood. I weighed my options, I thought of how I could hide away deliver the young and sell it then resurface back to my 'fun' world, but even then motherhood was slowly creeping into my system and I could not bare to abandon the young in me. I started taking photos, going for belly arts, swimming and other things that made me feel I wasn't slowly losing my life. It was the longest 7 months(I only got to learn of it at 8 weeks) of my life. The course of my life was changing, priorities shifted, decision determiners changed, I practically found a whole new me. At 4 months I met a lady who complimente...
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Life by Suicide

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It is very easy for Psychiatrists and Psychologists to approach suicide and suicidal tendencies from a point of triggers, with the aim of identifying the specific point of origin. My doctor has previously told me that understanding my triggers will go along way into keeping the suicidal tendencies at bay. Of course coupled with medication and therapy. The more I think about it, the more I study myself, the more the whole trigger story doesn't make sense to me. Am all about following doctors orders and advice, I don't self medicate, and always stick to my prescription and only leave it after a discussion with my doctor. I understand am my own worst enemy when it comes to mental illness so I do my best in guarding me from myself - I hope that makes sense to someone. Thing is, I have learnt that I have two separate sections of my brain which work totally differently. The alpha is the inactive section which does not take part in actively influencing things like speech or walking. W...
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My Weakest Strength

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Am constantly called strong, yet am constantly doubting it. The biggest challenge in my life is the emptiness that engulfs me whenever I open up to someone about my mental struggles and they walk away. Opening up eats away a part of me, exposing my vulnerability more than the previous time. To the rest of the crowd it seems easier each time because I get to tell a deeper story, to me it's harder each time. Will you start viewing me different when you finish reading this? There is a thin line between strong and damaged, it is hard to tell where I lie. My only prayer is that my tear, my struggle and my pain impacts a life positively by shining a ray hope upon despair. Am not sure about being lonely, but I am sure I am alone. My fake smiles, fake happy attitudes and other weird kind of fakes make daylight easier to live through in the face of this stugmatising world. So when someone says am awesome, how would I know I actually am? Been doing this for so long I sometime...
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