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Feels Like a Hot Ice cube

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This is my first blog after the suicide note.... I have been thinking about it for a long time, it scares, am no longer whom I used to be. I was a closed book on the shelf, now I am an open book on the street, and many have read me. Being all over the media with ny story is chilling, and it not a good feeling. Most think that it is the road to healing, but no, it is not. The road to healing is quiet and private, inside my psychologist's room and inside my head. This other public road is a sacrifice, a sacrifice I have made for the young girls and boys growing up who should never experience rape. A sacrifice for my cousin who hanged himself before having had the chance to share the pain he felt, and so I sacrifice so that no one has to die the suicidal way. A sacrifice for those who are close to people with suicidal ideations, so that they do not throw them out to the dogs for misinformation. A sacrifice for the Mental Health community, that has been shut off due the invisibi...
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Sweet Pain, Dead Peace

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My Cousin Job Passed on. Let me rephrase that; My Cousin Job took his life.. - wait, he couldn't have taken his life, he always had it. Let me rephrase that too; MY COUSIN COMMITTED SUICIDE. By Hanging. The Pain... It is exactly 12 days today 12 June 2018 since my cousin hanged himself. It is exactly 12 days since he did what I couldn't do - Get through with it. See I have attempted suicide before, not once, not twice and it's not a pretty thing to live with. Even rape is prettier. Rewind. I write this because of pain. And am from a sitting with some two friends of mine and I told them that my cousin committed suicide and they said "you know someone who has attempted suicide before gets through with it at some point" - I swallowed hard, felt a sharp pain in my chest... Who is this cousin I speak of? Job was the last born of my maternal aunt, and at age 22 it got to him. I am in pain, pain from different sides. I am in pain of loss, for having l...
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Life by Suicide

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It is very easy for Psychiatrists and Psychologists to approach suicide and suicidal tendencies from a point of triggers, with the aim of identifying the specific point of origin. My doctor has previously told me that understanding my triggers will go along way into keeping the suicidal tendencies at bay. Of course coupled with medication and therapy. The more I think about it, the more I study myself, the more the whole trigger story doesn't make sense to me. Am all about following doctors orders and advice, I don't self medicate, and always stick to my prescription and only leave it after a discussion with my doctor. I understand am my own worst enemy when it comes to mental illness so I do my best in guarding me from myself - I hope that makes sense to someone. Thing is, I have learnt that I have two separate sections of my brain which work totally differently. The alpha is the inactive section which does not take part in actively influencing things like speech or walking. W...
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